Men and women see relationships from different points of view.
For a man, a steady relationship is an opportunity to settle down into a calm and quiet life although not necessarily marriage but more of getting out from the rat race of finding a date and someone to share his life with. Men are more comfortable when their relationship is not a roller coaster ride.
On the other hand, women look at a relationship as a risk because of the possibility of getting hurt in the bond between her and her boyfriend. Right off, women prepare themselves for a stormy and bumpy ride as it makes them feel more alive.
Men and women are on two different timetables with respect to relationships. The Big Trap that I’m referring to is that you are in a hurry to get into a steady relationship and out of the dating cycle for the wrong reasons. This trap presents itself most often to the guys that date infrequently or tend toward monogamous behavior. (Women are subject to this trap, also.) Those that are comfortable playing the field and dating many women – as I preach to you to do – do not suffer from this syndrome.
You want to get out of the wild turbulence of the dating ‘scene’ so that you can establish one woman in your life. There are many reasons men slide into immediate monogamy roles, and an incorrect understanding of female expectations is one of them. Another reason men move too fast is that guys don’t like the ambiguity and having to wonder every day if they’re going to get any sex. If they really understood how much opportunity there is out there in the singles world, they wouldn’t be in such a hurry to lock in their options.
Here’s what happens when you fall into the trap: your mind is conditioned to consistency. As you date, you find yourself excited by meeting new women, but with a lack of understanding, your misses are much more frequent than your hits. This leads to discouragement. You start really doubting yourself, and your self-esteem takes a hit. Then you feel more negative about the whole process. You stop being able to improve your technique because all you see is failures. You swear off dating for a while, often with a hidden animosity toward women. After all, the singles scene is vicious, isn’t it?
Or, you date for a short while, and you settle for someone who doesn’t thrill you, but at least isn’t running away. Over time, your discontent grows subconsciously as you realize that you’ve settled for less than you desire or deserve. She gets needy and clingy, and you pull further and further away.
This is another of those downward spirals, and it usually runs in cycles. You go through the cycle, and try again, almost always with a mindset of “I can’t wait to get out of this scene.” This attitude sabotages you, since you are programming yourself with a desire to avoid the very process that will improve your skills and ensure the widest selection of possible mates. And it may not come from a genuine desire to be in a relationship but rather a desire to not be in the dating scene.
Only with this attitude will you ensure that you do not fall into this trap. You’ve got to have such a compelling life that a woman is a fine addition, not the lone pitiful reason for your existence. The way to cultivate this attitude is to understand your situation (get knowledge), do enough of the right things based on this knowledge (take action), and experience success. You need to reward your nervous system for learning these new habits, and you will be the man you always wanted to be.
